Too god damn proud to say: man i’m alone, too god damn humble to say: man i deserve to be with someone.
And then my legs resent it turning the flesh and bones to hurt carrying around a living functionally broken spirit, a very productive one i might add, and the legs work non stop like everybody else’s leading me to believe that maybe this is how everybody works and they just go on and on until they find someone and they will be too god damn proud to tell that someone that they are the solution to their broken spirit but they actually say: you are the best thing that ever happen to me… and the saddest part is that they will mean it and their legs will take them around like boat floating in a sea of moments a boat made up of the tree of their broken spirit.
I don’t want that.
I want to take my broken functional boat and move to the white coasts and see the green hill and take a job there as the town poet, and live my days worried day and night how to best put in words the sweetness i hold in my memory, how to justify reality distortion with written beautiful words, so others can pick into my heart for maybe one second, so i can go to rest after a hard week worth of work and my rest will be playing in the woods and believing in the stories i tell to the curious kids about made up monsters and making them face those monsters and laughing about it afterwards while maybe me and the kids are being watched by some beautiful girl that sings to the flowers made up stories about those playful strangers, and the flowers will bloom with songs and people will build a city around those flowers and she will live near me but not too close to make it to the city, like i always wanted, and we will pretend we know love by meeting each other to play hide and seek so one day a missing kid decides to be our son and we give that kid ethereal education so the kid grows to be a wood elf that helps the pass-byers and we all grow old and never die but one day in the top of the green hill we finally touch and turn into the air and the rain and explode in a storm of destructive force far off on the sea where we can’t hurt anybody only the calmness of the waves and our untouched love will be heard thousand meters below the surface, and it will be like lullabies for the fish that will wonder why suddenly the stars start showing up through the storm clouds shinning harder and harder while we ascend to them to travel the universe and see every wonder, every force the nature has to offer in every color that exists and will exist until the end of time when we touch again and everything and i mean every thing goes booom.
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